Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Life is full of surprises. I think we get ourselves into a routine, or rut, where cause and effect are predictable.  Dennis' death punctuated a string of failed relationships, which in one respect never had a chance because each new one was built on the rubble of its predecessor.  I lived alone for nine months, collected a pride of cats, and settled myself in for a life of solitude.  I just didn't think I had it in me to try again. People I loved had their own lives, which didn't align with mine. I was learning to accept that, and discover a new M.O. for myself.  At least I though that was what I was doing.  

What I really did was "let go, let God".  I always thought I knew better than He did what I needed and wanted.  At least it seemed that I did.  And when I "let go", a funny thing happened in McDonald's.  Even more fun was the folks who worked the morning shift and knew both of us separately began to watch us arrive to have breakfast together.  They smiled, and became part of the relationship that was unfolding.  

I think it's a tall order to "let go, let God".  Most of us say we do, but in reality we're all Indian givers.  We're so sure we know what we want, and how we want it to be, we never give His ideas any credibility.  I knew I could live alone. But I didn't want to. I knew I could take care of myself just fine. But the bottom line was I'm not HAPPY alone. Having been such an abysmal failure in the past, I figured remaining alone would be better for everyone.  But not for me.  I wore my "aloneness" as a sort of penance, my "just desserts" for having done so poorly in the marriage department. Kinda like Hestor Prynn's red A.

But THAT wasn't what God really wanted for me either.  Again, I wasn't letting go, and letting Him, I was orchestrating what I felt I deserved.  

Do you do that? Are you your own judge, jury and executioner? That's not the message we're given.  Can you "let go, let God" in your own lives? Start with the little things for some practice, and then move up to the bigger stuff.  There's so much God wants for us if we'd just shut up and listen.  

That's the part I didn't do well: Listen.  I always dumped the dramatic sorry saga of my life on someone early in the game, for what reason? Sympathy? Empathy? a Warning? Who knows. But this time I kept my mouth shut.  I listened to what this man was saying to me. I gave the Master room to work.  

I guess what I'm trying to suggest to you is that you quit trying or orchestrate every bend and turn in the road, quit cutting off someone who's speaking to you because you know what he's going to say (or think you do) ... back up, back off, and give Him room to work in your life. You might be surprised at what happens next!

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