Friday, March 16, 2012

"In the true sense of the word, to enable is to supply with the means, knowledge, or opportunity to be or do something -- to make feasible or possible.

In it's true form, then, Enabling behavior means something positive. It's our natural instinct to reach out and help someone we love when they are down or having problems."  (

That being said, I'm an enabler. But there is a dark side to enabling ... when your behaviour allows others to continue their unhealthy behaviour.  Sound familiar? All too, I'm sure.

When we're little, our parents "enable" us, encourage us, and then bail us out when we make mistakes.  Maybe that's not always wise, however.  If we learn as little ones that someone else will always "Fix" our problems, we never learn to face them on our own.  Then, another bad behaviour emerges, in the form of control.  If you are one who hates confrontations, and will do just about anything to avoid them, you can be manipulated into "fixing" issues for others, rather than having to draw lines in the sand, over which you will not step.  It's a vicious circle.

It's never too late to sit down and take stock, and having recognized where you are unhealthily enabling someone, put a stop to it.  Both you and the other person will be better for it.  Get the monkey off your back, and hand it over to the one who needs to deal with it.  Not easy, I'm not trying to tell you it is.

My challenge to you is to examine yourself,  your life, and take steps toward being more healthy, and less a victim of your own good intentions.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

We take so many things for granted these days.  Speech, for instance. Computers open the world to those who are shut in, or ill, or retired, or just "internet junkies". But what if your spelling leaves a lot to be desired, or your thought processes don't seem to spill onto your keyboard.  My kids and I bought "Dragon Naturallyspeak"  as a Christmas gift for someone with just those issues.  We had such success with it we recommended it to another friend with a mind a sharp as a tack, but fingers that don't work anymore. His speech is slightly affected by surgical procedures, but Dragon "learns" what a person says, how he speaks, etc.  Magic!

The Kindle craze is another thing.  NOTHING, short of NOTHING will ever replace books for me, I love their smell, how they feel in my hands,  everything about them. But those same hands are affected by the normal aging process, and holding a book for any length of time can become painful.  With not much confidence in the thing, I acquired my first Kindle. Wow!  Without spending a dime I amassed an impressive library of classics, public domain books.  I have solemnly apologized to my Kindle for ever doubting it.

I'm not just doing an advertisement for Kindles or Dragons, mind you, I'm instead trying to suggest you take a good look at some of the folks in your life, and ascertain whether or not such modern marvels would make their lives easier.  We DO take too much for granted.

It's the little things we do that last the longest.  I am reminded of a quote by George Bernard Shaw, who writes ...  "I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the whole community and as long as I live, it is my privilege to do for it whatever I can. I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work the more I live."

I'd like to think that will apply to me, when I am finally face to face with my Maker.  Daddy's favorite poem was "Let me live by the side of the road, and be a friend to man."  He was, and so am I.

My challenge to you is to look around  you. Are you doing all you could do? Are you "giving back" to the community?  Go volunteer at the hospital for a few hours a week, you know you have the time for that ... and when you drive home, you'll feel better than you did before.

As always, thanks for spending a few minutes with me ...


Tuesday, March 13, 2012

"How many a man has thrown up his hands at a time when a little more effort, a little more patience, would have achieved success."~Elbert Hubbard

Thursday, March 8, 2012

I should be getting to sleep about now, but I wanted to spend a minute with you ...  I need to make an appointment with a dentist.  The "Ivory Hunter"!  At this point in my life that shouldn't be a problem, but I'm stark raving Terrified of Dentists! Did you know the suicide rate among doctors is highest for dentists? They can't cope with everyone hating or being afraid of them.    

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Social Networking ...

Social networking ... everyone's doing it, so it seems.  But it has created the need for an entirely different code of behaviour.  I mean, if you visit a friend's house, you and your children are expected to follow certain time honored rules of etiquette, but we don't seem to have anything in place for social networking.  We become privy to other peoples' lives, their daily doings, feelings, ups and downs.  We probably know more about our online "friends" via social networking than we do about the family next door.  

I made a big faux pas today.  A grand child's birthday was assumed "forgotten" by the child's grandmother, and in the spirit of giving a heads up to the forgetter, I had my head handed to me.  Now if this was the family next door, I'd have never interfered!  I took liberties, and poked my nose where it didn't belong. 

Daddy and I often discussed how easily the written word could be misunderstood, because we can't "hear" the tone of voice or inflection, and can't "see" the facial expressions.  I'm sure all of you have had similar experience with such misunderstandings.  

I'm not sure if the "rules of etiquette" have broadened to include the age of computers and cell text messages,.  We don't sit down to pen and paper to write a "newsy" letter to a friend or relative, instead we hit the keyboard.  I'm not offering a solution, mind you, but rather asking you to take a step backward and look at where your non verbal communications take you. Do you stop to think before hitting "send" about how your words might be received? Are you writing about something that really isn't your business in the first place? My daughters will tell you I am most assuredly the guiltiest person in our family for sticking my nose where it doesn't belong. I do it with all the best intentions, and never seem to learn from my mistakes.  That being said, here is a gentle reminder, dear reader, not to do what I did!

As always, thanks for reading my humble words, and click on some of the Amazon or Google links. That puts pennies in the coffers, and allows my webspaces to remain free!